the first interview transcribed and translated.
another baby step is done. now i have 16 pages of a narrative to digest.
slept only 3 hours. sleepy, tired, but happy.
i have a feeling that i'd be able to collect a rich material. just feel it.
This is a space devoted to my research project about women's self and identities. The idea was born a year ago and still exists as an idea. Here I want to record a process of it growing into a piece of work. Any comments - critical and supportive- are welcomed and appreciated.
another baby step is done. now i have 16 pages of a narrative to digest.
devoted this to the friends on flickr who added some love to my addiction.
i floated in the flickr waters for months through the hours of nights and days and mornings and afternoons...well... it was a good remedy for the anxiety/uncertainty i was sinking in since last winter.
now the counturs of the future are becoming more distinct and clear and this feels good!
Sakura Handa passed away last night, July 15, 2005. She had suffered severe injuries in a car accident.
I spoke with her by telephone Wednesday night. She told me she loved me. I don't say that for sympathy, but to tell you about her as a person.
Sakura was starting a new job and a new life in Oberlin, Ohio. She was so very happy.
Uploaded by The Triskaidekagrammatron on 15 Jul '05, 11.54am EDT.
Tuesday, June 28th, 2005, at 2pm in A200 in the Arts Building
Well, I managed to receive the ethic approval. Then, my supervisor hoped that i would postpone my research until September, she wanted me to work on her project only, but that would be another year of studying... To avoid this i have to make an effort and propose before june 17th!!!
Это исследование об иммиграции и как она влияет на восприятие женщинами, кто они есть. Мне интересна Ваша личная история иммиграции, Ваше путешествие с момента, когда Вы приняли решение иммигрировать в Канаду до настоящего времени. Я готова с большим вниманием услышать Ваш рассказ об иммиграции и что, Вы считаете, важно рассказать о персональном опыте – чувства, мысли, случаи, события и т.д. Я надеюсь, что это обсуждение будет продуктивным для нас обоих в плане переосмысления того, что иммиграция приносит в жизнь женщины и ее понимание самой себя
By having walked my destiny until the middle
Need to distract myself a liitle from writing a dry proposal by something exotic...
I have so much to think over my blogging experience and how it relates to our identities.
A roar of aircraft engines mixes up with muffled voices of passengers. Girls on my left keenly examine content of a vanity case belonging to one of them. Young men on my right are enthusiastically ravaging a wine bar. I look around. We are on a board of the flight “Moscow-London”. There are twenty of us, young Soviet sociologists, who won the national contest to participate in the Summer School at the University of Manchester. The girls’ chatter lulls me to sleep and I wake up when our airplane lands to the airport of Heathrow.
Sometimes my memory stores small and non-significant details about some big event while missing the most important part related to it. This was how I memorized a day when Anthony Giddens presented his lecture as a guest-speaker in the Summer School for Soviet Sociologists. I perfectly remember that we made a spinach soup for an informal gathering at our residence. I can easily recall how the soup smelled and tasted, but I am not able to remember any points of Gidden’s lecture and his speaking later during the informal meeting. At that time my thinking was still rooted in ‘Soviet-socialist’ mentality and the real meaning of his theorizing on modernity was beyond my comprehension. The issues of modernity, self-identity, and democracy have not intersected with my personal history as well as with the history of society where I was from. Not yet.
Early morning. The university dormitory. A telephone rings in the hall. I wish a caller were not that insistent.The telephone rings. I wish someone else got up and answered the phone.The telephone rings. From a warm bed I drag myself to a cool hall.No signs of life beside closed doors to other bedrooms.The telephone still rings.“Hello!” I hear voice of my friend from Newcastle. She cries out: “Turn on TV! Turn on TV! Gorbachev’s gone! Military overturn!”
I turn on a TV. The BBC News broadcasts a state of emergency in the Soviet Union; Gorbachev is out-of-town; nobody knows is he alive or not; there are barricades and shooting on streets; the country is in shock. So are we, the Soviet students in Manchester. In the cool hall we stare at the TV screen, chilled and paralyzed with fright by the terrifying news from our country. What will happen next?
In June 1991 we came to the United Kingdom from the USSR to study at the Summer School for Young Soviet Sociologists. In our group were students from different republics and regions of the country: Ukraine, Belarus, Lithuania, Uzbekistan, Georgia, Siberia and Buryatia. In September 1991 we were returning to the country that was not the country we left three months before and we were not citizens of one country any longer, because in August 1991 the USSR collapsed.
I love the university aura .... As soon as I step to the library I am in peace and in connection with my self. Why I spent the whole month wandering restlessly around the house, not able to work neither in my room nor in any other corner.... instead of coming here ... oh!
"Identity is people's source of meaning and experience" - Castells in Power of Identity.
If all who have begged help
One can find many descriptions of Akademgorodok or Academic City in Novosibirsk. Some of such are “a utopian Soviet-era community in Siberia built to gather the nation’s top scientists”(Montaigne, 2001, p.13); “ a Russian approach to Knowledge Management” (Medevedeva, 2001), or “ a unique corner of our planet” (www.gold-valley.academ.org). Despite different descriptions, all visitors and residents of Akademgorodok would agree that it is an extraordinary place.
I was thinking about how my autobiographical paper turned out to be too self-centered, narcissistic, on the one hand, and, too general, on the other hand, in describing my self in universalistic categories such as "true self", "communion", "intimacy", etc. The paper concluded that " the identity constructed here fits more a modernist model of centered self and unified identity and, thus, it does not agree with post-modernist approach that sees identity as fragmented, multiple, conflicting and de-centered". Of course, it won't! Just because in the beginning I departured from the modernist conception of identity based on McAdams' identity as an integrative level of personality and Giddens's identity as a reflexive project of the self.
A year passed since I wrote my autobiography and decided to do my thesis on self-identity of immigrant women. Since then I tried to come to a research proposal but failed two times. I read articles, books on women's identity, attended a conference, but what I produced was a full nonsense. BS. However, some points became clear: 1) i want to do a qualitative research;
A year ago I wrote a paper "Identity as a life story: an autobiographical research". The writing took weeks of memory work which was painful... full of tears and heartache.
Today is the 1st of April. Friday.I'll start to count days from here to the end of my M.A. thesis research.I was supposed to be in the middle, closer to the end of this project, but because of my 'heart' conditions, it was postponed, delayed. I have a kind of writer's block that I can't fight.Now I'm sitting before my laptop with blinking stars before my eyes, I don't know what is it.Some people say it is the blood pressure. I don't know...Today is April, 1, 2005.The day which is the birthday for my friend Svetlana.My university friend - Elena.Our family buddy - Alexander. Here I start.